Most of us have experienced the resignation blues. Resigning is never easy, especially when you have worked at a position for several years, and have become part of a team. Some employers and co-workers take it personally and accuse you of abandoning ship. However, there are some precautions you can take to make your resignation smooth and amicable.

By the time you reach the stage of resigning with your current employer, your mind should already be clear that you've made the right decision, and that you've committed yourself to leaving.

Have you first pursued all avenues available within your own firm for career advancement? Before accepting another job, give your present job a proper chance. Visit with your boss and other key personnel to find out where your career stands, and what future plans there are for you. Give your firm every consideration as you contemplate a change. Be absolutely certain that once your decision is made to leave the firm, you are able to make a meaningful commitment to the new opportunity.

Once you have accepted an offer by another firm, try to leave your current employer on a positive note. Resigning does not have to be a time for sad faces. You have just been given an opportunity to advance your personal goals, and you have your old employer to thank. Hopefully you have given your best at work, and you will be missed. Certainly there will be those who are not pleased to see you leave if it means placing them in a difficult position such as having to seek your replacement. Let them know that you intend to assist in whatever way you can. Most of all you should thank those for making your current job a positive experience in preparing you to move onward. By showing your boss and firm due respect, you encourage future support you may need someday.

It is best to keep things short and simple when you resign. The more you say, the more questions you may have to answer. Avoid getting into discussion about the new opportunity with your old employer. You boss is losing an employee and may be likely to offer you negative opinions and biases that will only confuse you. You may find yourself having to justify your personal goals and decisions, and even used as the victim of any frustration. In fact many recruiters suggest that you state your resignation is for strictly personal reasons having nothing to do with your current employer or the current job opportunity. By keeping things on a personal basis it circumvents your current employer from trying to persuade you to stay by debating the merits of your new opportunity and new employer. In some situations, it may be best to avoid telling anyone where you will be going.

You may find your employer eager to learn from you any tips as to what their company can do to improve it and avoid losing good people like yourself in the future. Do not get caught in this trap. Anything you say can and will be used against you once you leave. Anything you say however constructive can only hurt you if misinterpreted once you have gone. Expect to be the scapegoat for many company problems after you leave, and any ammunition you leave them can only add fuel to their fire.

Typically, your resignation means a lot of work for your old employer. Someone will be left with the burden of replacing you and dealing with the loss of department productivity due to your vacancy. Chances are your boss will be caught off guard with your resignation, and will not be able to listen clearly to your explanations anyway because of concerns with the department's new predicament. One can never gauge the reaction of a boss when a key employee resigns, but it is always to your advantage to keep the atmosphere positive and supportive.

If you feel you may end up having to function in an uncooperative atmosphere, you may want to resign right after your work day so that you are no longer on company time and in control of your own. If you must have an additional discussion with your employer, try to schedule it for the following afternoon on your time when everyone can have the opportunity to face the situation objectively and you can leave when you are ready.

If during an exit interview or a you find yourself having to defend yourself or the new employer, or if things begin to get out of control, motion for another meeting at a different time when things cool down.

This is usually the more difficult type of resignation because it may place you in the compromising position of having to explain your good decision. Words are very powerful, and are particularly charged during this time. Be careful what you say. It is common for your old boss to probe you for information that may have led up to your decision. Bosses often want to know who or what is the reason for your leaving, or if you have any suggestions to offer which can help make the organization more effective. If you have had a close relationship with your boss, you may feel obligated to share your heart in confidence.

Don't fall for this trap! Use your head and discuss personal and heart felt matters outside the office. Remember this boss is still your boss. Whatever you say will be viewed as biased, and may eventually be used against you. At this point you are no longer considered a team player, nor or you considered to have the company's best interest at heart. Too often individuals get hurt by comments that are either misinterpreted, or exaggerated. Constructive criticism is no longer your responsibility, and carries with it a high cost that could effect your good references.

It is always best instead to sing the praises of the firm and those you worked with. Determine beforehand several positive aspects of your workplace, and mention them liberally. (Even if it were only the great lunches, and humorous stories told over coffee.) You want to be perceived as someone who was positive and moving forward with your old job. People will remember you best by your last impression. Make it your best performance.

You might want to tell your boss something like this:

"I need to discuss something with you if you have a moment. I've been made an exceptional offer by another firm, and I've decided to accept it. My wife and I have given this opportunity a lot of thought. As much as I'd like to advance within this company, we feel the new opportunity is in our best long-term interest.

We deeply appreciate all you and the firm has done for me here. I don't think I would have been presented this exceptional opportunity if not for your support and leadership. I want to thank you. I hope I can leave with your good wishes. You've been a friend as well as a boss."

If probed for more information, you may want to claim that there is nothing else to say right now. Simply communicate that you are not leaving a bad situation for a better one. You are leaving a good opportunity for one that better suits your current situation.

The easiest resignation is a written one where you have time to effectively prepare what you wish to communicate. A written resignation reinforces the fact that you are really leaving and not simply threatening in order to renegotiate your position. Also, there is something permanent about the written word, which often circumvents interrogation.

Under no circumstance should you state any dissatisfaction with the firm or individuals. Not only is it good manners to stress the positive when leaving, but what you put down will remain in your file long after individuals and circumstances that may have caused you dissatisfaction are gone. You never know when your future paths may cross again.

Remember to keep things short, simple and positive. You may want to write something like the following:

"I want to thank you for all you have done for me here at ABC Company. It's been a pleasure working with you, and representing the company as your Manager of Purchasing.

John, I have accepted an offer with another firm and have decided to tender my resignation as of today. This decision has had nothing to do with the exceptional opportunity you have provided for me here. You and the company have been more than fair with me, and I genuinely appreciate all your support.

I wish ABC Company continued success, and I want to thank you for allowing me to be a part of your team. Please feel free to contact me at any time if I can be of further assistance in helping with a smooth transition."

Letters are what get filed and passed around when it comes to explaining what happened. They are also a means to curtail any ambivalence regarding your decision that might be otherwise perceived by your behavior during this delicate time.

Surveys show that eight out of ten employees who accept counteroffers don't complete the following year with their employer. (NBEW, "Counteroffer Acceptance, the Road to Career Ruin" by Paul Hawkins, 12-11-83).

Why shun counteroffers? Because the factors that caused you to consider an outside move generally remain in force. Besides, your current employer may lose trust in your loyalty. Accepting a counteroffer may permanently damage your reputation with your would-be-employer. It may conclude that you were merely using them to gain leverage- you weren't in earnest as a candidate. Never underestimate the value of your perceived integrity in this situation.

The best response to a counteroffer is to listen politely, perhaps even sleep on it, but decline. If your current firm denied you advancement before you secured an outside offer, it will probably thwart you next time you feel ready to advance. What's more, your firm may start looking to replace you the day you accept the counteroffer. Your plans for leaving may not be forgotten!

Before leaving the firm, take time to speak with each of your support staff, peers, executive personnel, and others with whom you've worked. Clear up any unsettled business with people and projects. Be sensitive to their reactions and keep your conversations positive and constructive. Some people may naturally express their own discontent and may egg you on to agree with them. Don't. Instead, express your appreciation and tell your colleagues you'll miss them. A little time spent nurturing relationships before leaving for your new job will go a long way to build support for your future.

Also keep in mind that it is professional courtesy to give your employer ample time to transition you out of the firm, typically two to four weeks. However, you should try to get out as soon as possible to avoid recurring attempts by others for you to tell your story, and to avoid having to deal with the frustrations and pressures at the job as the firm adjusts to your leaving.

The previous information is written and copyrighted by Frederick C. Hornberger, Jr., president of Hornberger Management Company, a national board and executive search firm specializing in the construction industry. This information is provided for personal use only. It may not be copied, printed or distributed to anyone other than you the reader, for any reason without permission from the author. Contact the author at address One Commerce Center, #747, Wilmington, Delaware 19801, phone 302-573-2541, email [email protected], or through the company web site at www.hmc.com.